Some quickies to start you off
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Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn't suit his taste! |
Liz: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Jon: "Really?"
Liz: "Yeah, you make me sick!" |
What did the pencil say to the paper?
"I dot my i's on you!" |
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hog and kisses! |
Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental! |
Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you! |
Did you hear about the shortsighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion! |
What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
"You're fun to hang around with." |
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
"I find you very attractive." |
A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding
man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love"
stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then
takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity gets the better of him; he goes up to the balding man
and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out
1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?"
asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies. |
Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on
the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man! |
Q: What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
A: He gives it a Valenshine! |
Q: What do you call a very small valentine?
A: A valentiny! |
Q: What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
A; “I love you with all my art!” |
Q: Why is iceburg lettuce the most loving vegetable?
A: Because it's all heart. |
Q: What flowers do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts. |
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I'm stuck on you. |
Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn't get a date. |
Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
A: Antelope. |
Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
A: Antelope. |